Questions About Hazing That Alumni & Parents Should Be Asking

I've been involved with 300+ hazing investigations, ranging from men's and women's fraternity and sorority chapters to cooperatives, honor societies, spirit clubs, bands, athletic teams and sports clubs. I also make presentations on hazing investigations--most recently with Dr. Gentry McCreary of Dyad Strategies. We have one workshop scheduled next month at Georgia Southern University on May 8th and I'm looking forward to working with Gentry again.

The MFQ (Most Frequent Question) at those workshops, other than workarounds and hacks for getting through orchestrated stories, is "How do you know when hazing is occurring?"

Response: I can't say that I "Know" with absolute certainty that hazing is occurring without asking some questions. But if I'm an alum involved with a group or chapter, or I'm a parent with a child who is joining a group, there are eight specific questions that I recommend you ask one of the members of a group. The responses to those questions may indicate that hazing is occurring.

And some advice as you ask these questions:

A) Most people, including alumni, will think, "If I want answers, I will go to the captain, president or other official leader of the group" While intuitive, I recommend that you ask questions of a member--a plain, ordinary, "Who, me?" member. If your child is joining an organization that utilizes a "Big"--a big sister or big brother--that would be a good place to start. Why not a leader? If there is hazing, the leaders or officers are often selected for their ability or willingness to avoid or step around direct answers about hazing. A plain, ordinary member may be more candid in their responses.

B) Your dialogue should not be of the "Gotcha" mode. This isn't cross-examination. Keep your questions brief and try not to reveal your reaction to the answers. Set a conversational tone. You're just asking a few questions. You're not trying to obtain a conviction or to make someone uncomfortable.

C) If there is another person to assist you, designate one to be the "A" person--you ask the questions in a moderate, friendly tone--and one to be the "B" person, who quietly takes notes and observes what happens. Advice to the "B" person: Don't ask questions until A has finished. A crossfire situation isn't going to help. Let A take the lead.

I recommend beginning with this question: "Can you think of anything in your program that might be construed by someone from outside of the group as hazing?"

Listen for these responses: "Gee, Mr./Mrs. ____, our university has a policy against hazing" or "Gee, Mr./Mrs.____, our national(s) (sic) has a policy against hazing"

If you hear either or both of those responses, the likelihood of hazing in that group just increased to "Probable" Those are lawyer responses. They are telling you to do the math--you figure out that if the "U" or the national (singular) have policies against hazing (which they do) then...bingo! There must not be hazing. Which does not answer your question, although the response is delivered in a sincere and often affable manner.

The person responding is avoiding a direct confirmation of no hazing because they realize that if something bad happens, they can be held liable because of a prior inconsistent statement, as it is known in the law. Therefore, they can answer your question without actually affirming that no hazing will occur. That gives them an escape hatch if things become difficult--"Hey, I didn't say that there wasn't any hazing!"

Let's ask some more questions.

1) When is the first day of pledging/joining?

Ask for a specific day/date. Why is this important? Because hazing groups will almost always attempt to extend the joining process beyond the limits imposed by the national or the "U". It's always good to know the first day/date for measuring the length of the program. Some men's fraternity chapters may attempt to label the first week of pledging as an "Orientation" period, which by their interpretation does not count as "pledging", yet if you ask more questions, you will learn that it is indeed pledging--they are attempting to add a week to the process.

2) How long is the program?

Typically, programs are measured in weeks. Most national organizations and most universities have a specific length limit for PNM (Pledge or New Member) programs. And most of those programs have a six-to-eight-week limit. Tip: Know the "U" or organizational limit before you begin asking questions. Remember: you're seeking specificity. "Ah, the end of April" isn't specific. When I'm doing an investigation, I often use a desktop calendar and require members to pick out the end date for the program.

3) When, exactly, does the program end?

You're listening for a specific day/date. Don't let the person you're speaking with tell you that they don't know or that, "Oh, that's the job of the pledge educator--I don't know anything about that" Don't accept that response. Joining or pledging is among the most popular topics in a group. Members spend hours debating the strengths and weaknesses of the PNMs and their reactions to various activities. And if there is hazing, the end date is a closely kept secret. The members don't want the PNMs to know that there is an end because that would deprive them of the ability to tell the PNMs that they haven't made the cut--that they won't be members...that they failed to qualify.

For the "B" person: Your role becomes more important at this juncture because the person responding to the questions may exhibit discomfort or a sudden attack of nervousness. Why? Because that person senses that the answers call for specificity, and the last thing a hazing group wants is for someone from outside the group to obtain specific information.

Tip: The person responding to your questions isn't particularly worried about you (the A & B). They aren't especially concerned about the "U" conduct folks or the national organization. But they are terrified about having to attend the next chapter meeting and to be exposed to the focused and unrelenting sarcasm, scorn and derision from the hazers in the group. "You told them what? You said what? You gave up information about ___?"

That's why they are evasive. That's why they will use generalities and cliches, sometimes layered with "Voluntary" or "Optional", to explain activities.

4) Walk me through a week of the program. Just start on a Monday, for example, and walk me through, day by day, to the following Monday.

You're listening for the generalities. "Ah, you know, the pledges come over for a meeting...and then they just hang out on Monday. On Tuesday, ah, they, you know, come over and hang out" And so forth. That tells you that there's a good deal more going on than the person wants to share with you.

Some fraternity pledge programs I've encountered suck up enormous amounts of time. At Power Four campuses, some chapters require pledges to report at 8 a.m. to the house. They are allowed to leave at 10 p.m. If you're playing at home, that's 56 hours in a four-day week--Monday through Thursday. Friday and Saturday require even more time to "Volunteer" for door duty, designated driver duty and a variety of other activities associated with social events. The PNMs are told that Sundays are a day off but every Sunday they are summoned to the house for more work.

That's some serious "Hanging out", which is the explanatory fallback position for groups with hazing. In reality, the pledges are trying to obtain "sigs" (signatures) while cleaning the house, doing laundry, running errands and serving as Uber drivers and a meal delivery service for members and others.

Ask for details. What time do the pledges come over to the house (or other location)? How long do they typically stay? And so forth.

5) What happens during the final week of joining or pledging? Walk me through that process, day by day.

Groups with hazing practices will usually attempt to convince you that the week before the conclusion of the program is, "Just another week" or "Nothing happens" In other words, just another ho-hum week. The PNMs report on a given day and they are initiated, and that's that. Hey, you're active!

Don't accept that explanation. It runs counter to experience, much less human nature. And in groups with hazing, the final week--usually referred to as "hell week"--involves concentrated hazing along with a variety of practices such as requiring the PNMs to stay at the/a house, late night activities and the so-called "Fake ending" when the PNMs are told, "Nope, you didn't make it"

Keep in mind that many national organizations provide chapters with a program for "spirit week" or another title for the week before initiation. Those are appropriate programs and do not involve hazing. But those are also public--no secrets involved. The concept of concealing pre-initiation activities from PNMs and others is almost always an attempt to conceal hazing.

In most national fraternal organizations, the ritual or initiation of PNMs is indeed esoteric or secret. That's appropriate. But the ritual does not contain hazing. It's the runup or period just before the initiation that is the subject of your inquiry.

6) When, specifically, is initiation? When will my child become a member?

Chapters with appropriate PNM programs have nothing to hide. They can share with you that initiation will be on (mm/dd/yyyy)

On the other hand, groups with hazing will, as noted above, exhaust every means to conceal the date as well as the fact that the PNMs will be initiated.

Tip: If possible, is there someone who is an alum of the organization who could attend initiation? That gives you a basis for saying, "My (relative, for example) would like to attend as an alum--that's why I need the specific date"

7) What is the GPA of your PNMs over the past few years in comparison with the PNMs of other groups?

This is an "Ouchie" question for hazing groups, because the grades of a hazing group PNM class are usually in the lower 50% of comparable groups on that campus. The reason is simple--the group sucks up the time of the PNMs while wearing them down. Most universities can provide the group GPAs for chapters and PNMs, and that information reveals a good deal about the PNM process. Logically, PNMs should be achieving higher grades because they have a built-in group of mentors called "Members"

8) For fraternities and sororities: When is "Bigs" night or "Bigs" revealing? And what occurs during that night or revealing?

The purpose of a "Big"--sister or brother--is to provide guidance, assistance, counsel and mentoring for the little--the pledge or new member. Therefore, logic dictates that the Big/Little combination be identified as quickly as possible. While a delay of a week or two between the pledging date and the revealing, as it is often referred to, is acceptable, groups with hazing often delay the revealing by as much as six weeks in an eight-week program. The purpose is simple--the members of a hazing group want to make sure that the pledges are trustworthy before assigning a big.

If "Bigs" night is delayed for more than two weeks, that is a concern. The process isn't that complicated or complex. The standard excuse: "Ah, we want to let everyone get to know each other" doesn't pass the smell test.

And what happens on that night? Where does it occur? What preparations are undertaken? Many--certainly not all--of the deaths in men's fraternities during the past thirty years have occurred during "Bigs" night with the consumption of liquor--not beer--being the operative factor.

Sometimes it involves passing around a bottle of liquor with the event entitled, "Don't f--- your brother". Translation: Drink as much as you can so that your pledge brothers drink less than they might otherwise. Another tactic: The Big/Little bottle exchange, except that the Big is under no pressure to consume his entire bottle while the Little is expected to chug his down.

Ask for the specific date and circumstances surrounding Big/Little night. Tip: If the title of an event includes "Night", that should generate more questions.

For parents: No one knows your child better than you. Listen hard to your child after the joining process begins. Signs of hazing include weariness, fatigue, depression, sadness, can't keep up with class assignments, poor academic performance in comparison with the previous semester, unwillingness to talk with you about details (because they've been told not to describe the process), evasiveness, uneasiness. They never seem to have time to talk with you as they did in the past. And if these indications are in contrast to the way or manner that your child communicated with you during the previous semester...I'm concerned.

I don't recommend the "Gotcha" or cross examination approach. Let your child tell you what they are comfortable telling you and maintain your decorum. Give it a few days and then ask a few more questions.

Certainly, there may be times when the circumstances dictate intervention. For example, if your son (who is joining a fraternity) tells you that a few of the members told the pledges to "Dress for the weather" for an event next week, that would justify additional questions.

There are many resources out there for people with questions about hazing. Most universities and national organizations accept anonymous reports and will respond quickly.

David Westol